You probably noticed I have not been able to write anything for some time now. The reason is that I am kind of sandwiched between family, work, and studies.
As I write, I hear our four-month-old daughter crying in the room. Today is her first day to taste ´food´ completely different from the breast milk she got used to. Introducing her to this new situation may not be as easy as earlier anticipated…oops! Her mom just signaled me on breaking news: the bad news is, baby is refusing to take the bottle. Initially I thought it was hunger strike then I remembered that mom came from dentist a few minutes ago and cant breast feed her. The good news is, baby drank ALL the milk when her mom tried giving her Nestle NAN using a spoon. Immediately I knew this is a get-ready-for-constant-baby-food-purchase message!
After attending a series of seminars, working overnights and straight to school only to return home briefly and back to work, all at the expense of family quality time at home, my wife could not help but air out her view on this roller-coaster-schedule of mine.
Tuesday Nov 10. Alarm rings at 10:50 a.m. Oh no! I exclaimed. What? My better half asked. I have a seminar to attend at 12:00, Multicultural Leadership Seminar. Silence was in the air for a while. I promise I won’t be long, I ´ll be right back. I replied. But you haven’t eaten. She said. Don’t worry, I ´ll grab something on my way to the seminar
Seminar is over. I am back. Did you find a job? She asked. No don’t worry. With time I ll find something, assurance from me.
Saturday Nov 14. Alarm rings at about 8:00 a.m. Its Saturday for goodness sake, where are you going again? You have been away all week. She fumed out steam. Baby I told you within the week that there is Magma seminar and I would like to attend. I responded. Silence again, followed by ´good luck´ with your seminars from her. In fact her luck for me was a good one. In the hall I was a minority in the midst of minorities. After losing track of the whole discussion since I do not understand Swedish, a fellow blogger in this forum volunteered to summarize what was discussed in the seminar for me. Thank you indeed!
Seminar is over. I am back. So did they give you a job? She inquired. No. don’t worry, with time. I replied.
Thursday Nov 26. European Migration Network Seminar. I was there.
Wednesday Dec 2 City of Helsinki Immigration Seminar. Please tell them we need a bigger apartment now that we got a baby. She needs her own room and space. We have applied but no response so far. She insisted. I will do my best. I responded.
Seminar is over. I am back. Did you find any offer, job, apartment? She asked. Not yet Dear. I replied. Mind you. In most of the seminars attended I almost entirely came from a night shift which ends at 8:15 a.m.
Student hood
As I run from nightshifts to catch the next train and bus to school I struggle to send sms to my classmate, requesting him/her to remind the teacher that I sent an email as a notice that I will be late, and I regret any inconvenience caused. Finally I make it to school, half an hour late. I can bet my last euro that some in class are looking at me and grumbling. ´They´ are always late. Yes we are. Yet none knew where I just came from. Neither do you know why I am late. Do you know where the free opintotuki, opintoraha and asumistuki that you get come from? Someone has to work, so how dare you whine that I am late!
By the end of the lesson, 16:00, the lecturer hands out instructions for a written assignment and deadline for submission. I shuffle the paper in my bag and run home to meet the family as I get ready for the next night shift. Please don’t ask when I do the assignments because I really don’t know. As I try to complete my work practice placement, pressure is mounting that I hand in the report (about 25 pages) as soon as possible. Checking my email only makes matter worse. The teacher from another course just wrote to me that I have done really well in the tasks but my grades will be given only after I complete and extra task that I seem to have forgotten. Time is also running out for me to hand in the plan of my final project (thesis). If I fail to meet the deadline I will have to wait one more semester to hand it again. But guess what, life is not only about seminars, work, and school. There is also a Family!
Father-parenthood
I managed to perform my duty as a worker and as a student. Good and fine. Now am home. I must realize that making a baby is different from being a father which is in turn absolutely different from being a parent. The door opens. I get in, take off my jacket and shoes, wash my hands thoroughly with soap and water, and disinfect them with ANTIBAC to avoid transmitting dog- goat- horse- cat- swine, pig flu virus. As I exit the wc I find two lovely faces staring at me. I almost bumped into them. My wife and daughter smiling and patiently waiting for me. The little one is still learning how to identify and perhaps recognize faces and objects. Hello hello p.y.t (pretty young thing), how u doin´ I gently whispered to baby Veronika Susan Hope. Vera, are u listening, daddy is talking to you, how u doin´. Silence again struck the air. I told her mom that I think I know why she is behaving this way. My speculation is either she is mad at me that I have been away for many hours or she still has not recognized me because ´´daddy is so dark that more light is needed to recognize him´´. I switched on the lights and… Bingo! My daughter smiles as she tries to reach me with hands forward. I must say the smile from these two faces instantly erases the tiredness from work and school. Hey but this is just introduction to responsibilities at home. The sink is full with dishes. Mommy has been busy taking care of the little one and making food for the family. Please why don’t you get rest while Vera and I do the dishes, I told her. No, you are just from work and school, you go get rest. She insisted. Never mind we can manage it, you go get rest. I responded. Mommy goes to catch a nap, Vera and I do the dishes, change the garbage bag, and remove the laundry while Cameroonian jazz music plays from the background. I hear something that sounds like a motorbike. I turn around. Vera smiles with some guilt on her face, as if she knows what she has done. She had soiled her diapers and the new white outfit mommy just wore bigtime! I am confused how to handle this one, a challenge to my changing-diaper skills. I abandon the dishes, run with her to the bathroom clean her up, and change the outfit. I am hungry and must eat before leaving again for work and then to school in the morning. From the East of Helsinki to Espoo it takes about an hour and a half. On a typical day like this I am extremely grateful that I don’t have a car because my lucky moment to ´sleep´ is on my way to work in the bus where I set the alarm before embarking. When I am off work, I am on with school and family, all of which are fulltime!
Be careful, young man
Well wishers and sympathizers advised me to stop this lest I burn out and crash. I am aware of the risks involved with such a schedule yet I keep on with it. Why? Reason is simple: I HAVE to. As an immigrant with no relative to turn to for financial and other help when need really arises, I am responsible for everything about cost of living. The landlord wants to see the bills paid by the end of the month. I must work to get this done. The irony is that after graduating from school, in an environment where the color-before-competence syndrome seem to be order of the day, the potential employer will ask me to show previous work experience. I must show something. Where will I get this work experience if I was only studying? Also if I dream of landing a job with normal working hours, normal salary, I must have the proper education for it, I must be qualified. To get that education, assignments, exams, and final thesis must be completed. Being a father or worker is none of the school´s business. Show us that you have completed your studies and we will graduate and give you the certificate! The fact that I am studying and working is no excuse for not being a good parent or husband. The family needs me. I need the family. And so the dilemma…
Dilemma
The greatest challenge is striking a balance among these three. Yet there is another challenge: convincing my wife that everything will be fine. After hearing the doctrine of the importance of networking she just cannot understand why I haven’t had a job offer, why we have not got an apartment where the baby will have her own room, in spite of all the good network I claim to have established from all the seminars attended, at the expense of quality time at home with family. I console myself with the thought that the history of Finland could be part of this slow process of acceptance. In the past, strangers were seen to be invaders and conquerors. The past still seems to be there unconsciously. But don’t forget that today strangers have come here to study, work, live etc and not to invade the country.
Want some more challenge? I ask myself this. How many immigrants are board members of the very immigrant projects that are all over the place? How many were part of the decision making process in matters that directly concern them like immigration policies? Is it time to start including immigrants in immigrant projects, if not for obvious reasons, at least for tokenism? After all aren’t we talking about integration? Can you make decisions about pilots, trade union workers, doctors, without inviting them to the table? Aren’t most of the policies about immigrants more of Finnish perspective? Isnt it a waste of resource when policies are constantly changed because they were not part of the team?
Ok. I have to go now, its bedtime. I promised the family I won’t be long on the computer…will be back. Merry Christmas and a Prosperous Happy New Year!
